Imaginary?
by Penguin-chan
Summary: Suze has a hard time telling fantasy from reality. Is she really a mediator, or is it all just an elaborate fantasy of a lonely mind?


**Imaginary?** by **Penguin**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Mediator series.

**Warning/s:** Slightly depressing. Suze acting crazy. Scheming parents.

**Summary:** Suze has a hard time telling fantasy from reality. Is she really a mediator, or is it all just an elaborate fantasy her mind made up?

**A/N:** This is my first time writing a Mediator fic. I've only read Haunted thus far, but I'm trying to read everything. If I'm a bit vague with the names, it's because I forgot 'em, having read Haunted only from a long time ago. Corrections are welcomed. Please review! I'd really appreciate helpful tips and would love to meet new people here.

I'm sorry if this is confusing. Whole paragraphs in italics are flashbacks. Um... yeah, so here goes.

———

_"One step, two step, three step. You can make it, honey!" Her mother cheered._

_Sussanah Simons took a tentative step forward. Her first time to walk alone. Her mother grinned from across the room and spread her arms wide._

_"Come to mommy..."_

_Suze smiled back and took two more steps. On her third, she stumbled and fell on the concrete floor. Her mother gasped and rushed over. Suze, however, grabbed thin air and helped herself up._

_"Baby, are you hurt?" Her mother was beside herself with worry._

_"No, mom, he helped me up!" Suze grinned, pointing to a blank spot beside her small form. "Isn't he nice?"_

Sussanah Simons smiled as she applied a fresh coat of lipgloss and gave her outfit a once-over in the mirror. She had to admit, she _did_ look sexy in her new top, suede miniskirt, and knee-high boots. She grabbed a cowboy-hat to complete the look but decided against it a moment later and tossed it on her bed. She'd look silly wearing a fedora to school.

"Jesse'd be impressed." She grinned to her reflection. "...I hope."

Not a moment after she uttered those words, Jesse materialized. He was leaning against her closet, facing the mirror.

"Oh, hey," Suze acknowledged. "You're walking me to school again?"

Jesse nodded and opened his mouth to speak. "You look..."

"Amazing? Sexy? Breath-taking?"

Jesse smiled. His eyes shone. "Those too."

For a long time, the two stood awkwardly facing each other, finding no words to convey their feelings.

_Some things never change._

It was Suze's stepbrother, Jake, who broke the silence by knocking on her door. He opened it and Suze turned to face him.

"Hey. Your mother says if you don't leave now you'll be late."

Suze nodded and Jake shut the door again. Jesse, taking Suze's hand in his own, began to lead the girl out.

_And yet some things have._

———

_"Why won't you believe me, mom? I'm telling the truth!" The little girl protested. She pointed to the air. "He's my friend. He's a young boy, see? His name is," she paused and turned to her imaginary friend, "what did you say your name was? Okay, Teddy..."_

_"His name is Ted," she declared triumphantly._

_"Honey, there is no Ted! He's just an imaginary friend. Someone you made up so you wouldn't feel lonely. Come, let's go out and make _real_ friends," her mother bit her lips, waiting anxiously for her daughter's reply._

_Young Suze stared at her mother, shocked at her own mother's disbelief. "Okaaay..." she whispered, her voice shaky._

_From that moment on, Suze never mentioned the people she saw again to her mother. She didn't understand and... and maybe she never would._

Suze loved studying in the Sierra Mission Academy, although she'd never willingly admit so. It was their that she found a kin spirit, Father Dom, who also saw spirits like her. They had a lot in common, although Suze sometimes hated the way the priest was too strict and uptight about their, shall we say, _powers_.

Suze straightened her skirt and walked over to Father Dom. She was still with Jesse.

"Sussanah, good morning," Father Dom smiled. Suze looked at Jesse who stood beside her expectantly and then back at Father Dom.

"Jesse. Good morning, too." He smiled.

———

_"I cannot understand this! Why would you want your child to live a lie?" Father Dominick sputtered. He was dumbfounded._

_"Please, you _have_ to understand," Mrs. Simons pleaded. "Suze is a... special child. I always catch her talking to the air, although she doesn't see me, and I thought that maybe if she found... someone like her who could convince her that she isn't... abnormal, then she'd be less lonely. She spends more time talking to air than her friends," Mrs. Simons paused for breath. "Please help."_

_Father Dom shook his head. "I cannot do this."_

_"Please — I'm begging you, _please_! If she finds out the truth... her heart will be crushed. She won't be able to take it."_

Suze sighed and scribbled on her notebook. She remembered the time when Paul Slater — Public Enemy Number 1, saw her scribbling Craig's name on her notebook's margins. He had teased her about it, but now, she was scribbling Jesse's name.

It had been two or so weeks since Paul dropped out of school, and Suze was relieved that it was finally over. Jesse nearly left her, but he changed his mind and talked Father Dom to let him back. Cece and Adam were officially an item, thanks to Suze's excellent matchmaking skills.

Her friend elbowed her. "Hey, that's the ghost dude, right?" She pointed to Jesse's name.

"Um... if you say so," Suze conceded, closing her notebook. "I'm in love with him, ghost or not."

———

_By the time Suze was ten, she had long forgotten about her mother's claim that Ted wasn't real. In fact, she had already forgotten about Ted, too. Now she had more friends. Anna, Nicole, Erik, Tristan, Leila, 'Peach', and more. They all left gradually, one by one. Suze, however, wasn't daunted. She made new friends as soon as she lost one._

_She played with her newest friend, Jannet, while her mother talked with a certain Mr. Slasky (was it Slasky? Suze pondered, before forgetting it all completely.) in the other room. She had pressed her ear against the doorknob and strained to hear their conversation. She only heard bits of it._

_"...five years later, yes..."_

_"...my... Paul... he's... grandson."_

_"how much? ... ... ...agree... leave... fifteen."_

_Suze shook her head at the grown-up's nonsensical conversation. She couldn't figure out a word of it._

Present-day Suze threw her body onto her bead. It had been a tiring at school. She still had homework to do and she was glad that she didn't have to finish mediator duties today. After resting her tired, aching back on her mattress for a few seconds, she stood up and changed into more comfortable clothes.

She now wore shorts and a loose, faded shirt. She sighed. It didn't look presentable. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and looked around the room.

Jesse wasn't there. Since Suze met Jesse, she grew conscious of whatever she wore even at home. She couldn't help it. Jesse was one hot _esse_.

"Ah, you're back, I see." Jesse commented, suddenly materializing behind her.

Suze sighed, feeling the warmth of Jesse's breath on the back of her neck. She was glad that she had worn a ponytail but found it funny that a person so _dead_'s breath could feel so hot.

"How was your day?"

"Urgh. Tiring. Lots of homework." Suze groaned at the memory of her the paper she had to do for Science.

Jesse chuckled softly and rubbed her shoulders. Suze relaxed into his hold. "God, that feels so nice. So relaxing. Thanks a mil —"

She didn't finish because Jesse took her mouth in his own and gave a _very_ thorough kiss.

———

On the other side of the door, her mother couldn't take it any longer. She kept hearing her daughter talk to herself. She was asking questions but recieved no answers. Her daughter kept calling out a name.

Jesse.

She had played along for far too long. It was time to put an end to this, she thought.

Suze would eventually have to make a life for herself, but how could she do that when she couldn't tell fantasy apart from reality? She had been supportive, if silent. She even went as far as _paying_ people to pretend that they could see 'spirits' too, and she was finally tired of it.

She knocked on the door.

"...hey? Are you all right there?"

———

Suze froze when she heard her mother's voice. She had got carried away with Jesse. She motioned for him to dematerialized and quickly slipped into her shirt.

"Wait a sec," she called to her mother, but her mother didn't pay any heed to it and went in anyway.

Her mother's eyes swept across the room.

"Your shirt is on backwards."

Suze laughed nervously. "Is it? Let me put it on properly."

Suze went inside her private bathroom and changed her shirt. How could she have put it on backwards? She was clumsy, and her mother was suspicious.

"Hey. I'm back," she said to her mother.

"Suze... do you remember Ted?" Her mother asked, eyebrows furrowed together in though.

"Huh? Who's Ted?" Suze asked. She was confused.

"Your imaginary friend. He's like Jesse. And Craig."

"How did you know about them?" Suze asked. She was panicking, and confused, and even slightly angry. "Did Father Dom tell you?" Suze couldn't believe she was raising her voice at her own mother.

"Honey... I told him, not the other way around."

Suze shook her head angrily. "No way! You can see them too and... and you never told me?"

Her mother was upset. She was beginning to think that she had been wrong in raising up this conversation.

"No. I can't see them because they aren't _real_," her mother said firmly.

"They're real! _Jesse's_ real!" Suze countered. It felt like all the breath was drawn out of her, but she still continued. She was angry at herself. How could she be careless enough that her mother knew about Jesse?

"Jesse's real and I love him," Suze said, looking her mother straight in the eye.

Her mother began to cry. Her tears were silent, but she didn't back out.

"Dear, you have to move on. It's been going on for far too long. Ever since you were small," she said softly. "I only want you to be happy..."

Suze stamped her feet in frustration. "NO. You're the one who's not getting it, mom! You think you know everything, even about Jesse, but you can't explain it. Because, you see, there are other people just like me!"

Her mother was silent and Suze took it as a sign of victory... until she heard her mother stir.

"...people I paid."

"Wha —?"

"Father Dom. Neil. Paul Slater."

"That... that can't be!" Suze gasped. She broke down, sobbing. "That can't be, that can't be!"

Her mother hugged her. "Honey, I know it's hard... but, please... try to move on. I only want you to be happy."

Suze pushed her away.

"You think you made me happy?" She snapped. "You think you made me happy by telling me that just so you can feel good about yourself? You think you made everything perfectly clear. 'Oh, Jesse's not real'. My love is _real_!" She clenched her fists but made no move with them.

"You think you cleared up everything, mom, but you only made it worse. Now... I don't know... if everything I've experienced as a mediator is real or not" Suze said gloomily. "But I do know for a fact that Jesse's real."

"Honey..."

"Go away!"

"I only want you to be happy..."

"Stop it! Go AWAY!" Suze screamed and grabbed her mother's hand. She yanked her to the door and locked it.

She fell on her bed, crying.

How could it be?

It couldn't all be a lie... could it?

"Jesse, I'm so upset today..." she murmured, and Jesse appeared beside her. He put his arms around her and wiped away a tear.

"Querida, what's amiss?"

Suze buried her face in Jesse's chest. She couldn't hear his heartbeat.

"I'm just so... confused. Confused about everything. Hold me for a while, please?"

She looked up at Jesse's eyes.

"Of course, querida."

Jesse tightened his embrace.

———

_Suze? She's a... special child._

_Couldn't tell fantasy apart from reality._

— _how could you let your own daughter live a lie?_

_I..._

I only want you to be happy.

———

Okay, it's done! -takes a deep breath- I wrote it all in one sitting. If you're as confused as I am about what I just wrote, don't hesitate to ask me a question. Again, I'm really sorry but I forgot Mrs. Simon's name. XD

Please review! I'd REALLY appreciate it. :)


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